


note.

by blurrytyler



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: I'm Sorry, ILY, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Josh is Sad, M/M, Suicide, joshler - Freeform, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5852557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurrytyler/pseuds/blurrytyler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>its been seven months and four days since it happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	note.

it's been 7 months and four days since _the day._ josh wasnt counting, but sometimes he'll be sitting, doing the most normal of things, and it'll hit him like a fucking wave.  
  
this time, he's showering. he's lathering his head with shampoo when he suddenly remembers it's been _this_ long. his stomach twists at the thought and he's nude in the shower, trying his best not to hurl. he's not exactly sure why, but when these rare moments of sudden realization come, he feels sick. he feels like his insides are desperate to come out one way or another and his head begins to pound. this was't even why he hated the arbitrary thought as much as he did, he mainly hated it because he hated the thought that tyler was gone. seven months and four days without tyler. it's a repulsive thought, and a thought he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

"seven months and four days." josh says to himself as he steps out of the shower. he says it again as he picks up the towel and dries himself off, and then once more when he's putting on a pair of boxers and exiting the bathroom.  217 days since it happened.

 it was a tuesday, josh remembers. josh is sitting in his car, stuck in traffic after work on the highway. he remembers calling tyler 7 times, just to check in, ask what he wanted for dinner, but each call went unanswered. josh didn't really stress over it at the time, he figured he was doing other things, cleaning, sleeping, walking the dog. josh would do anything now to go back and shake his past self, to tell him to rush home and save the only person he's ever cared about.

he remembers stopping at some convenience store right off the highway and picking up coffee for the two of them and a pack of cigarettes for himself. now, josh was thinking about this while dressing himself, cringing at the fact he went to the fucking store. no matter how many times he tries to convince himself that it wasn't his fault, he just didn't know, he always feels like if he would have gotten home sooner, tyler would be next to him still. 

josh hasn't smoked since that day.

he remembers stopping in front of mark's house for a brief moment while he was driving in his neighborhood. he asked about his day, how he was, his plans for the weekend. josh had always played the friendly neighbor role, it was very like of him to start up simple conversations. wherever he may be, at the grocery store, in the coffee shop a few blocks down, he always enjoyed conversing with people. that was before that day, though. now, josh doesn't much of anything, he's blocked off most of the people. his 'friendly neighbor' title diminished, and now he sits inside, wondering what would of happened if he just came home.

josh remembers walking inside his house. it's quiet. abnormally quiet. he sets down the two cups of coffee on the kitchen counter and takes off his shoes, tyler always got on his case about wearing shoes in the house. its deafening how quiet it is in the house. tyler normally would be watching tv, or sitting in the kitchen listening to music on the radio. tyler was _never_   the kind of guy to leave a house quiet, he hated it.  josh hates himself every day for not knowing right then and there.

_"tyler?"_ josh remembers calling, slowing walking down the hallway. _"tyler, i'm home. i picked up some coffee."_  
  
silence.

josh isn't sure why, but the hallway feels much longer and narrower than it ever has before. he's walking, looking into rooms. he remembers approaching the last room on the left, the bathroom.  
  


_"tyler?"_  he knocks, and the door opens slightly. he peeps into the room and comes face to face with the most horrific sight he has ever seen in his entire life. it scars you, the image implants itself deep in your brain when you see something just as horrific as that. josh vomits immediately into the sink, and slips into a state of unconsciousness.

josh isn't sure how long he was out for, but he remembers waking up, facing away from the horrific scene that laid just behind him. he remembers not wanting to turn around, hoping that maybe if he didn't, that it's not real. for the first time in many years, josh found himself praying to god, or any higher power out there, that it wasn't _real._

he twists, to face _it._ he recoils back a little and gasps, trying his hardest to keep it together while starring at what lays before him. he remembers not thinking much at this point, he was still convinced that this was either a sick joke or not real. but there laid tyler, sitting in a bathtub. the water floating around tyler was red, and tyler's small arm flipped over the side of the tub is cut from wrist to elbow. josh remembers feeling queezey while staring at tyler, attempting to swallow down any vomit in his throat.

josh takes another quick look at his surroundings and notices a pen and notebook lying on top of the shelf. without much thinking, josh swipes it and runs out of the bathroom to the nearest phone and dials 911.

it's been seven months and four days since then. by now, josh gathered that there was a note that tyler wrote somewhere, anywhere. josh though, had not wanted to look for it. he thought if he did somehow obtain the letter and read it, he'd hate himself more for not being there. josh has done almost everything in his power to keep things the way it was before. he hasn't gone into their old room since the funeral. he hasn't touched anything in there, anything from the bed, to the clothes, even the fucking garbage in the trash can. he just doesn't have the courage to do it. he can't rid of tyler like that. each article of clothing that belong to tyler laid how it was before he was gone. the bed was left the same. everything was the _same_.

but now, josh _needed_ to find the letter. he took a deep breath before entering his and tyler's old room. he walks in cautiously and looks around, moving things slightly on dressers and the night stand. 

he paced the room for a few moments, and just as he was hovering over the garbage can, he noticed something in the garbage can that caught his attention in the corner of his eye. he spots a piece of crumpled up paper, sitting on top of other various garbage, ripped in half. josh instantly dunks down and picks up the paper. he blows off the bits of dust, flattens it out and places the two halves on the desk, connecting them.

josh isn't sure exactly why, but he's almost _bothered_ by the fact it's less than half a page. josh almost feels as if that just couldn't be _it_. that there had to be this great and mighty reason why he left him alone. he had it in his mind that he deserved a grand explanation or that tyler would've written this prodigious note with metaphors and revealing secrets. but that just wasn't the case. the note all together didn't even make up half a page.

_** josh, ** _

_"The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?_ " _-edgar allen poe_

_**tyler.** _

__


End file.
